Brad Rateike: You don’t have to be a parent to impact kids

My wife and I are not parents. I do not pretend to understand what it is like to be a parent. I am told you can understand only once you have done it. However, I have heard a lot about what it is to be a parent, because many of my friends are parents, and thank God for all who are exceptional parents.

I have two nieces and two nephews who live in Florida. They are impressive kids (my bias aside), but I get to watch them grow up from afar via social media, thanks to our sister-in-law, something my aunts and uncles and grandparents never got to do. That will always be special to me.

Locally, my wife and I have been able to watch our friends raise their families and have been fortunate at times to have been treated like members of their extended family. This all became real this year as two couples we know have kids who are graduating from high school and going off to college. I only really got to know them while they were young adults but having the chance to share in the joys and challenges they experience, often vicariously through their parents, has made me appreciate many things.

For my “close” friends (a relative term, I admit), I offer to give their young adults “the talk” if they are interested in having me meet with them. “The talk” has nothing to do with birds and bees but is focused on personal/professional next steps. I use it as the hindsight button we all want but can never get. What did we wish we knew then that we know now? The answer to that question could fill another year of columns, but this is about the “kids” of my friends and how I believe all who can be a mentor or point of reference for young people should be.

Many of my friends who are parents struggle with getting their kids to listen to sound advice because their kids are inclined to discount the source. That is not necessarily reflective of the parents; it just makes their kids human.

If you told me 20 years ago that I would spend my early 40s closely following Chatard volleyball, Cathedral soccer, Indy Dance Academy, etc. (the list of activities will only grow as I get older and my friends’ kids grow), I would never have believed you. That said, I am sure there are plenty of less-fun activities and life experiences that I completely missed.

I want to be completely bullish on the future of the kids of my friends. I hope you feel the same, or if you do not, that you try to influence that for the better. I am not a substitute parent and try to be careful not to appear as such. I hope I can be third-party validator for the wisdom already imparted by their parents.

The “talk” is summed up as this: “You will not make your career based on the performance of your freshman year or first nine months into the professional world, but you sure can screw it up (badly).” I then share examples of close calls I have had. That might not be poetry, but wise friends (whom I greatly respect as parents and humans) tend to agree.

I learn from these young people as well, and that is why I am grateful for the chance to root for them from afar as they follow their parents in becoming great humans.•

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Rateike is founder and owner of BAR Communications and served as director of cabinet communications for President Donald Trump. Send comments to ibjedit@ibj.com.

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