BRUNI: Please, let’s stop talking about Bachmann

Michele Bachmann is the gift that never stops giving.

One week she’s confusing the Iowa birthplaces of John Wayne and John Wayne Gacy, two men separated by a bit more than two syllables. The next she’s signing a conservative pledge that contains language extolling the family values of slavery.

If she’s not confronting accusations that a church she supported is anti-Catholic, she’s navigating charges that her husband, a counselor, practices a brand of homosexual-to-heterosexual therapy known as “pray away the gay.”

The most recent go-round with Bachmann concerned migraines, and what a go-round it has been. The revelation that she battles them led to a second round of stories about whether focusing on that was sexist and then a third round about whether her aides had been too rough with a headache-inquisitive television reporter who pursued her through a parking lot. In ways she means to and ways she doesn’t, Bachmann doesn’t merely occupy the spotlight. She sets up house there, stuffs it with velour sectionals and lays out a lavish buffet, so that legions of comers are comfy and well fed.

And that bounty—of half-baked history, hardcore religious conservatism, hard-line pledges and so much more—has made her the star of the 2012 presidential race, a recipient of at least twice the coverage that any of her rivals for the Republican nomination receives.

But whipping up attention isn’t the same as establishing credibility. Vividness doesn’t equal significance. And Bachmann’s profile at this point is wildly out of proportion to her probable fate in the election and the long-term impact on it that she’ll have.

The smart money remains where it has always been: on Romney. He’s the candidate whom not only Republican leaders but also White House officials strongly expect to see on the ticket.

Sure, Bachmann is positioned to compete strongly in, and very possibly win, the Iowa straw poll in mid-August and the caucus beyond it. But here’s what’s certain: As she pursues the nomination, the Republican establishment won’t line up behind her, because they don’t think she has a prayer of broadening her ultraconservative base enough to woo swing voters and topple President Barack Obama.

So why all the fuss?

She’s a bonanza for the news media, which these days have vast acres of not only cable TV but also cyberspace to fill. She’s manna for pundits, who can talk only so archly about the vanilla vanguard of Romney, Pawlenty and company.

Bachmann has proven a useful pawn for liberals as well, because she conforms to their simplistic nightmare vision of what Republicans are all about and fills them with righteous condescension while sullying the image of the enemy party.

Beyond that, her biography and ideology accommodate discussions about an especially broad range of hot-button topics. Gender in politics? There was that whole hullabaloo about the Pawlenty adviser who referred to her “sex appeal.” Gay marriage? She built her political career on her war against it.

She’s like a coat rack with dozens of hooks. You can hang almost anything on her.

So reporters and commentators do, and then they tromp over to the nearby pantry to rummage around there. Bach-mania has become indiscriminate and is now out of hand. For example the gay leaders, television comedians, Twitter-ing entertainment icons (yes, Cher, that’s you) and other Bachmann opponents who have lately taken to sifting her husband’s voice and mannerisms for any supposedly telltale effeminacy should cut it out. They’re trafficking in the sorts of superficial stereotypes they’d excoriate in other contexts.

And the migraine-fixated are putting the cart several time zones ahead of the horse. She’s a long way from her Oval Office physical. Besides, the more phlegmatic guys in the pack aren’t being subjected to such examinations. For all we know, Jon Huntsman has a plantar wart that’s wreaking utter havoc with his stride.•

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Bruni is a New York Times columnist. Send comments on this column to ibjedit@ibj.com.