Pete the planner: Parents, your child’s money troubles aren’t your fault

Dear Pete,

My 27-year-old son just got laid off from his job. He’s been living on his own in an apartment since he graduated five years ago. He has had two different jobs, and both have paid him rather well. Unfortunately, he has no savings, including a 401(k). He is now unemployed and can’t afford his rent or even groceries. I’m struggling to know what to do. Obviously, I’m going to help him a bit, but I’m so disappointed he didn’t even have $100 saved. Any thoughts?

—Gary

Ah, the shock of discovering that the financial safety net you thought your child had wasn’t actually there. It’s like watching someone walk a tightrope and realizing halfway across that they’ve never practiced before—and now they’re teetering on the edge. Let’s dig into how to help your son stabilize, both right now and for the future.

First off, Gary, I hear you. I hear the mix of love, concern and frustration. Your son has been out in the world for a while now, earning a decent income, and by all appearances, living independently. To suddenly discover that he doesn’t even have $100 saved must feel like a punch to the gut, especially since his independence has evaporated the moment a crisis hit.

You’re probably asking yourself how someone can be working for five years and have nothing to show for it when trouble strikes. Trust me, you’re not alone. Many parents are going through this exact situation, and it feels personal, like a reflection of something you did or didn’t teach. But let’s park that feeling of disappointment for a moment and think practically about what we can do.

Your son has two immediate problems right now: He doesn’t have enough money to live, and he doesn’t have a job to earn more money. Let’s tackle these in order.

First, you need a plan for his immediate living expenses. The rent, the groceries, the bills—they’re all piling up. It’s clear he’s going to need help from you or from someone else in the short term. This is the time to offer that help—but with conditions.

I suggest making it clear that, while you’re willing to help him get back on his feet, this is not a free pass to keep doing what he’s been doing. Helping him now is like buying a “restart button”—a one-time expense, not an open-ended credit line. You might agree to cover a couple of months of his rent, but in exchange, there needs to be a serious effort on his part to build a plan for financial stability.

Here’s where you get strategic. The financial support you provide should be tied to some specific goals. Start with a simple budget. Does your son know exactly where his money goes each month? I mean really know—not just guessing but knowing the details. This is the time for him to get that knowledge, even if it’s a little uncomfortable. Tracking every dollar is key, and while it might feel tedious, it’s the only way for him to understand why there’s no cushion left. I’d encourage him to start with a simple app or just a notebook—anything that forces him to be aware of his cash flow.

Second, he needs to get income coming back in, and fast. Even if it’s not the ideal job, any income at this point is better than none. The job market can be harsh, and waiting for the perfect position isn’t an option when rent is due. Gig work, part-time work, temp jobs—they’re all on the table right now. Think of it as a bridge rather than a career move. It buys him time and keeps the lights on.

Now, let’s talk about the long term because that’s where the real change needs to happen. You mentioned that you’re disappointed he hasn’t saved a dime. While that’s understandable, it’s not particularly unusual. Many young adults live paycheck to paycheck, even when those paychecks are pretty decent. What your son lacks isn’t just a savings account, but a habit of saving—and that’s something that can be built.

The first savings goal should be $500. It’s not enough for a full-blown emergency fund, but it’s enough for a minor crisis, and more important, it’s an achievable goal. When he lands his next job, he should aim to save a little from every paycheck until he hits that mark. There’s something incredibly empowering about having that small cushion.

Once he’s there, the next step is to expand it to $1,000, and eventually, enough to cover three months of expenses. The key here is consistency. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but it has to be steady. Automating this savings is ideal—he’ll never miss what he doesn’t see.

Another important point, and one that’s often neglected, is mindset. Many people live by a simple rule: If they have money, they spend it. Your son needs to start seeing saving as an essential expense—just like rent or utilities. It’s not optional. This might mean he has to cut some lifestyle costs he’s gotten used to. And that’s OK. In fact, it’s necessary.

Last, Gary, I want to address your disappointment directly. It’s completely normal to feel the way you do. When our kids struggle, it can feel like a reflection of us, but it’s not. Your son is an adult now, and his financial decisions are his to own. You can guide him, support him and teach him, but ultimately, he needs to do the work. The best thing you can do is help him see this experience not as a disaster but as a chance to grow stronger, to learn, and to do better next time.

He’s on that tightrope, Gary, and yes, he’s wobbling. But with your support, he can regain his balance. It’s not too late to learn to save, and it’s not too late for him to build the safety net he should have had all along. This is a tough moment, but it’s also a turning point. Let’s help him see that.•

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Dunn is CEO of Your Money Line powered by Pete the Planner, an employee-benefit organization focused on solving employees’ financial challenges. Email your financial questions to askpete@petetheplanner.com.