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The only thing I really love about Valentine’s Day is the chocolate. Many of us still might be recovering from our Christmas spending hangover, and then Valentine’s Day arrives as another of the more expensive U.S. holidays. The unexpressed or unrealistic expectations of couples can add stress to an already precarious financial situation.
Don’t Die Wondering (dontdiewondering.com) had a great article—“Love, Actually: The Socio-Cultural and Ethical Evolution of Valentine’s Day”—that relates a story of “cultural adaptation, commodification, ethical dilemmas, and the very human longing to connect.”
Valentine’s Day began as a feast day to honor St. Valentine, who was a clergyman in the Roman Empire and performed the sacrament of marriage for persecuted Christians in defiance of the emperor’s ban. In the Middle Ages, Geoffrey Chaucer’s “The Parliament of Fowls” transformed Valentine’s Day into a celebration of romantic love. In the 18th century, handwritten love notes and tokens of affection were exchanged. The modern version of Valentine’s Day has been transformed into a multibillion-dollar industry.
According to new research from Empower, “67% of Americans prioritize love over money, though 37% of those in a relationship say finances are the biggest stressor.”
Seeking meaningful connections with others is a fundamental human need and doesn’t just happen. Investing in a relationship includes time, energy and money. A survey of 1,000 American adults by CouponPi quantifies the cost of a relationship. Here are its key findings:
◗ The average 1-1/2-year relationship costs $9,207 from beginning to end per person.
◗ The annual cost of a relationship is $6,138 per person, with $5,579 spent on dates and activities and $559 on gifts.
◗ Married couples spend 46.7% more on their relationships than unmarried couples.
◗ The average couple has spent $19,306 on their relationship by the time they marry.
◗ 53.7% of Americans said they feel financially stressed about paying for gifts and activities in their relationship.
When it comes to the costs of dates and other communal activities, the study finds that 93.8% of couples dine out—typically twice a month—and spend $1,624 per person per year. Attending concerts and sports events—usually once per month—costs $1,569 annually on average. And casual outings such as museum trips and coffee dates—about twice a month—cost $1,203 annually on average.
Another finding was that couples who invest in shared experiences report higher satisfaction. Couples attending events together have a 90% happiness rate compared with 67.8% of those who don’t. Weekend getaways boost happiness to 90.5%, compared with 69.4% for those who skip them.
While spending money to deepen connections can improve overall happiness, financial stress is a leading cause of divorce. Here are some suggestions from around the web on how to improve your financial relationships:
◗ Create an annual financial plan.
◗ Schedule regular check-ins to discuss short- and long-term goals.
◗ Track spending together. Review account balances, including cash, retirement and debt.
◗ Discuss debt, including credit cards, student loans and mortgages.
◗ Check credit score reports regularly.
◗ Use spending apps to identify areas where money is being spent on things that aren’t important.
◗ Work to improve your communication about financial matters.
◗ Listen to your partner and understand their perspective.
◗ Consider speaking with a financial counselor or certified financial planner.
Some relationships last longer than others and often depend on your age, communications skills, shared values and ability to resolve conflicts. Lasting relationships are built on a strong foundation of trust, respect and communication.
My husband and I don’t always make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day. We try to show our love and appreciation every day. Sometimes a quiet evening at home is the best way to celebrate.•
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Hahn is a certified financial planner and owner of WWA Planning and Investments in Columbus. She can be reached at 812-379-1120 or jalene@wwafp.com.
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