Peter Dunn: Can two hearts beat as one when managing finances?

When I was in Mr. Petermann’s middle school band class at Guion Creek Middle School in 1990, the clarinet section used to pass around the latest issue of “Teen” magazine. Within its angsty pages, a young lady could regularly find the ultimate assessment of how “good [her] boyfriend was,” via a random set of 10 multiple choice questions.

As the tween boyfriend of one of these young ladies, I often felt like I was standing in judgment of God (and unknowingly an underpaid journalist in New York City). It mattered. Or at least, it felt like it mattered.

I’m not quite sure why I’m lighting this fuse on Valentine’s Day, but have you wondered whether the person you share your finances with is a good financial partner? To even begin to evaluate whether your partner is a good one, financially speaking, we should at least get on the same page as to what makes someone a good partner, right? Right.

To best understand how different people define a “good financial partner,” we first must acknowledge that money means different things to different people. Some view it as security, some see it as opportunity, and others treat it like a game to be won or lost. A good financial partnership isn’t about thinking exactly alike; it’s about understanding and respecting each other’s financial philosophies while working toward a shared future.

Think of it this way: In every relationship, there’s a spender and a saver. Even if two people think they’re both savers, I guarantee that, in times of stress or abundance, one will lean more toward saving and the other will lean more toward spending.

This is normal. The problem isn’t the difference in approach—it’s whether you can discuss and navigate these differences without causing financial (or emotional) ruin.

So, let’s put this to the test. Here are 10 questions to assess whether you and your partner are financially compatible:

1. Do you and your partner have open, honest conversations about money?

2. Do you know each other’s financial goals, both short term and long term?

3. Are you aware of each other’s income and major financial obligations?

4. Do you have similar attitudes toward debt?

5. Do you agree on how much to save versus how much to spend?

6. Do you both contribute fairly to shared expenses, based on income and circumstances?

7. Can you make large financial decisions together without conflict?

8. Do you trust each other with financial responsibilities?

9. Are you aligned on financial priorities like retirement, home ownership or travel?

10. Can you talk about money without it turning into a fight?

If you and your partner answered “yes” to most of these, congratulations! You’re on solid financial footing. But if your answers leaned more toward “no,” it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed—it just means you have work to do. And that work begins with communication.

Money conflicts in relationships usually aren’t about the money itself. They’re about values, upbringing and personal experiences that shape our financial beliefs. One partner might have grown up in a home where money was scarce and saving was a survival tactic, while the other might have been taught that money is meant to be enjoyed. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong, but failing to reconcile these differences can lead to constant friction.

The key is to have regular financial check-ins—just like you’d check in about your kids, your schedules or your weekend plans. These don’t have to be formal, painful budget meetings. In fact, the more casual they are, the better. Sit down once a month, pour a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine, depending on how these conversations usually go) and talk about where you are financially. What’s working? What’s not? Are there any upcoming expenses that need attention? What financial goals need more focus?

And if you find that money talks always end in frustration, consider bringing in a third party, like a financial coach or planner, who can help mediate and provide an objective perspective. Sometimes, having a neutral voice in the conversation can be the difference between making progress and repeating the same argument for years.

A good financial partner isn’t someone who never makes money mistakes—it’s someone who is willing to acknowledge them, learn from them, and improve together. If you and your partner can do that, you’re already ahead of the game.

So, as you celebrate Valentine’s Day, consider giving each other the gift of financial clarity. It might not be as romantic as flowers or chocolates, but it definitely will last a lot longer.•

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Dunn is CEO of Your Money Line powered by Pete the Planner, an employee-benefit organization focused on solving employees’ financial challenges. Email your financial questions to askpete@petetheplanner.com.